Wednesday, March 22, 2006

THE REST OF MY SO CALLED LIFE (CAUTION: read part I before proceeding or you will have no idea whats going on!)

So Suki and I hit it off. She told me her father was a successful businessman who gave her whatever she wanted, but who was very controlling and demeaning so she ran away from home to live the life SHE wanted. Her eyes sparkled as her voice filled more and more with passion
with every heavily accented word out of her mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I felt a warm piercing feeling coming from the window. It was the sun coming up. We realized that we had been talking all night in the wherehouse cafeteria and that the gruel and bisquit served to us hours earlier were probably not edible anymore. I held her close as we watched the sun rise over the factory grounds. I felt a chill go through my body which I didnt quite understand then, but now understand as my male intuition telling me to not trust her, but the rest of my maleness said she's hot and fun to talk to. Those chills just came from the fact that youre too cheap to pay the gas bill so you keep the heaters off!" "Youre right" I said out loud and I kissed her like a sailor who had just got back from being out to sea on a ten year mission on a submarine (cuz they dont let women on those things!)

We would meet every day in the cafeteria and talk for hours. She was very descriptive in her dialogue comparing most everything to fire. "Your kiss is like fire. Your Mexican food is like fire. Your cat is on fire" and it was. Luckily I put it out.

I put her in charge of locking and unlocking the girls chains to their folding areas and she beat up our security guard so many times that he became so ashamed and never came back. She took over his duties also.

The following weeks, our storage vaults with thousands of Oragami birds, giraffes, boxes, and ak-47's were destroyed in a huge fire. Police raided my remaining stash that virtually put me out of business and freed my workers.

How could this happen? All that I had worked for gone! Well, at least I have Suki....Suki....SUKI! Could it be? It was all the sudden so clear. The police raids after SHE began managing my workshop. The incessant smoking she would do as we sat in the graveyard. The burning of my cat. The time she said "I like to burn things, its fun!"

I ran back to my office and there was a paper aflame on my desk. I put it out and read aloud "BURNED YA DIDNT I?" The hairs on my neck stood up and I felt a familiar chill go up my spine. I was followed. Tokyo secret police kicked down the door, slammed me on my desk and cuffed me. They took me downtown to the Juvenile Detention center (because I was only 12 at the time). There was a lot of yelling in Japanese, which I didnt understand, and then they locked me up with a boy who did nothing but grunt and drool. After years of minimum security lockdown, I learned Japanese, established my territory by the swingset, got some really cool Hello Kitty tatoos, and by trading meals and roughin up the right people, I received some really important information that crushed what was left of my soul into a small compact container so that it would take up very little space in a landfill where it will lay dormant. I found out from Kiko who heard from Quimono who traded 4 cigarettes to a guard to find out that Suki was a detective for the Tokyo police squad who had been following me for months and, get this, she was 32 years old! She told me she was only 27! Her father was also the newly made billionaire Tycoon (now that I was gone from the scene) Yakiko who ran Yoshimi Oragami inc.

I got a letter from her that said all kinds of crap like she had to do it because her fathers business was going under and she couldnt control her pyromaniac tendencies around all of that paper (which is how her fathers company went down!) She also told me she really loved me and has feelings for me and ended the letter "with a love that burns on, Suki." I never answered. Just like all fires that burnup all their fuel, the flame goes out.

Now here I sit in my cell with a bed, toilet and paper. Here is where I will once again build my dynasty. TP is not very easy to fold, but its soft edges make shapes that are very distinct to those currently on the market and when I get out in 12 years I will come out with a huge supply of a fresh new product that will put me back on top of the Oragami world.

I WILL BE BACK TO CLAIM WHATS MINE!
SUKIIIIII!!!!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW, you really lead a freakin cool life! I wish I wasn't such a loser! You are my hero!

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I gotta wonder who this girl is that prompted such a plenary account of the life of Brian and does she know how incredibly deep your need for vengence runs?? Is it any coincidence that "Suki" means to like in japanese.....??? Some fruedian allusion to the fact that you hate to love the woman who regulary gave your security guard the royal pond down and set your heart and origami empire aflame??? Oooooo Ooooooooo!!!!! What happened next?!?!?!

1:51 AM  
Blogger tracyjax said...

What is this?

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:49 AM  

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